Frize

Estava eu sentado no sofá a ler uma meditação do Nietzsche e vejo o squetch: "Frize ... dá-me mais ... please ..."

F###-se ... tamos entregues à bicharada ... então onde está a moral e os bons costumes?

Volta Salazar ... tas perdoado ...

Leia contra a bichice

Meus caros, sejamos frontais! A homossexualidade está para ficar!

Calma, meus amigos! Não vou sugerir que "se não podes bate-los, junta-te a eles" ... isso não, diacho!!

Mas o belo do larilas que é apenas um homossexual do sexo masculino (homónomo de homem sexual ... mas com o sentido literal antagónico) e não se exibe com uma camisinha de seda rosa e umas calças de couro tamanho XXS, é um bem para a comunidade do macho hetero (porque sobram mais "gaijas"). Portanto, o meu repto é ... acabe-se com a homofobia.

Agora o frufru como eu vi outro dia, de camisola justa Yves Saint Laurent cor-de-rosa, a dar gritinhos e gargalhadas para chamar a atenção ... f$#"-se ...
Imaginem um pai consciencioso, preocupado com a educação dos filhos ... leva os putos a almoçar ... e encontra aquela "Amélia" com a mão inclinada pra trás e a transpirar estrogénio ... fica chateado, concerteza q fica chateado ...

Aqui fica um pedido aos maricões ... se querem "quebrar a bilha" dos parceiros faça-no em privado porque ninguem tem nada a ver com isso ... agora joaninhas a dar às asas em público ... ISSO NÃO CA$#%&#!

A doce inocência

A D. Beatriz, organista numa igreja, tem 80 anos e é solteira. É admiradapor todos pela sua simpatia e doçura. Uma tarde, convidou o novo padre daigrejapara ir lanchar a sua casa e ele ficou sentado no sofá, enquanto ela foipreparar um chá.

Olhando para cima do órgão, o jovem padre reparou numa jarra de vidro comágua em que, lá dentro, boiava um preservativo.
Quando a D. Beatriz voltou com o chá e as torradas, o padre não resistiu aperguntar o porquê de tal decoração em cima do órgão. E responde elaapontando para a jarra:

"Ah! refere-se a isto? Maravilhoso, não é? Há uns meses atrás, ia eu apassear pelo parque, quando encontrei este pacotinho no chão. As indicaçõesdiziampara colocar no órgão e manter húmido e que assim ficava prevenida contratodas as doenças.

E sabe uma coisa? Este Inverno ainda não me constipei".

Comentário:
Aqui está o perigo da igreja não aceitar o preservativo como forma de contracepção ... pode cair-se em situações ridículas e hilariantes como esta ...

Já estou a ver o padre na eucaristia a dizer: "Nunca usem lubrificantes à base de óleo que danifica o latex! Usem sempre à base de água!".
Eu fico comovido ao imaginar esta cena pitoresca ... e penso que aqui está a soluçao para a desertificação da igreja católica.

Notícia de última hora

Ouvi dizer agorinha que a UE se prepara para criar uma directiva que introduzir o pagamento de uma ecotaxa no "acto médico"! Os profissionais da saúde e sobretudo os médicos são considerados uma ameaça ao cumprimento do protocolo de kioto!Isto tudo porque o receituário mais comum após o diagnóstico é "Descanse e beba muita água!".

Pois! Está mal! Primeiro, a àgua é um bem precioso que deve ser usado com contenção, logo, beber muita água desrespeita esta directiva.Em seguida, como todos sabem, quem bebe muita água usa frequentemente a casa de banho! Aqui temos gastos de água no autoclismo e no lavatório, já para não falar na luz eléctrica dos lavavos interiores ...

Portanto, temos aqui um ciclo muito perigoso para a biosfera e daí esta notícia de última hora!

Médicos nas urgências? Para quê?

Estava eu muito bem a almocar e a ver o telejornal quando me deparei com esta fabulosa notícia da RTP1: "Sem médicos: Urgência pediátricas do hospital de S. João só funciona para emergências".

Ora então? Na minha humilde opinião, todos os hospitais deviam copiar este método! No meu entender, as urgências só devem atender as emergências e os casos menos graves são dirigidos à consulta.

A RTP que noticiou ontem que está a caminhar para terreno positivo nas suas contas, encontrou uma forma de diminuir os gastos na saúde! Viva os executivos da RTP que vão salvar o país! Menos médicos, menos gastos! Viva as urgências sem médicos que atende apenas as emergências! Fora as urgências inundadas de pedidos insignificantes.



Medicos

Dia 1 de Maio

Meus caros, saimos do 25 de Abril e já estamos próximos de outro feriado, o mais venerado entre o proletariado, entre a classe trabalhadora ... "the one and only" (ouvem-se tambores ...): O dia 1 de Maio, dia do trabalhador!

Na minha opinião, a solução da crise actual está na eliminação deste feriado para os funcionários públicos. E agora pensem comigo, dia do trabalhador ... não combina com dia do funcionário público ... é a mais pura antítese!

Portanto, se os funcionários públicos não fazem bolha ... também não têm feriado ... ORa mais um dia de trabalho traduz-se em maior produtividade!Claro que aqui estaria a nossa oportunidade de resolver aqueles problemas nas repartições públicas que é impossível num dia de trabalho.

Por outro lado, se eles não produzem nos dias normais ... muito menos num feriado ... e este será num domingo ... ou seja podemos desistir da ideia ... enfim ... venda-se mais património, digo eu! Ou ponha-se a render certas prostitutas politicas que dizem "Amen" aos "lobbies", piscam o olho à direita, governam contra os trabalhadadores ... (eh pa! Saí espirito mau! Acho que estou possuído por algum espirito leninista ou pelo próprio Cunhal! Tenham medo! Tenham muito medo!)

Há gajos pensadores

?Os poderosos podem matar uma, duas, ou até três rosas, mas jamais poderão deter a primavera?
Che Guevara

Este fumava charutos e bebia rum a mais ... Eu quer-me parecer q o Che era um gajo primaveril ... e andava com camisolinhas cor-de-rosa coladas ao corpo ...

Garfield

Simplesmente hilariante ... este gato parte-me todo ...

A estratégia de Lisboa

"Banco Central Europeu alerta que morosidade dos governos ameaça Estratégia de Lisboa ..."

Pudera ... em Lisboa ninguém trabalha ... só no Norte :)

Chamassem-lhe Estratégia de Berlim ... os alemães sempre fazem qualquer coisinha ...

Inglês avançado

Em português:
Três bruxas olham para três relógios Swatch. Que bruxa olha para que relógio Swatch ?

Agora em inglês...
Three witches watch three Swatch watches. Which witch watches which Swatch watch?

E pergunto eu: "O que raio é q eu tenho a ver com isto? Porque me mandam estes mails???"

Benfica! Benfica!

O Benfica, este ano será Campeão Nacional, porque é prioridade máxima do novo Governo acabar com as listas de espera ...

Smoking Vs. Fraque

Outro dia, li algures (sim ... eu leio ...) que os homens usam sempre a mesma roupa nos casamentos e as mulheres não. E que isso fortalece o cliché de que "os homens são todos iguais". Aliás, talvez essa indumentária seja um reflexo desse estereotipo! E fique sensibilizado! É um facto! Os homens vestem sempre de igual! Nunca tal me tinha ocorrido ... mas tá mal!

Venho por este meio pedir a tudo que é homem para tirar a fatiota lilás do armário no próximo casamento e dar um "show de bola" no altar!

E dizem como eu já ouvi dizer... Ah e tal ... e os homens é que têm sorte porque não têm que escolher a roupa! Pergunto eu, mas eu nunca pedi a ninguem essa sorte?? Porque não hei-de poder levar uma camisinha pesseguinho para a boda? OS HOMENS TÊM QUE SE EMANCIPAR!!! E LUTAR CONTRA O PRECONCEITO!!!

P.S.- Não sou gay, nunca fui e nunca serei! Eheh

E VIVA O IMPOSTO AUTOMÓVEL

No meu último comentário, escrevi a seguinte frase: "E VIVA AO IMPOSTO AUTOMOVEL!! ". Foi então que comecei a pensar ... o que seria de nós sem o imposto automóvel?

Como haveria dinheiro para o desenvolvimento? O aumento de produtividade? Sim? Digam-me?

E as criancinhas? Pensem nas criancinhas!! Como podiriam elas ir para a escola se não houvesse o imposto para pagar os salários dos professores?

E os doentes? Os médicos quem os pagaria?

E os agentes da autoridade? Quem ia preencher aquela burocracia toda que eles preenchem em horas de serviço e os impede de sair?

E as estradas? Teriam deficiencias gravíssimas na sinalização! E buracos! E mau planeamento!E a EP teria de fechar e tanta gente amiga ou familiar do governo iria para o desemprego!E não haveria a reciclagem de automóveis que existe ...

E depois pensei ... como será que faz Espanha e os outros países?? Estou intrigado ...

25 de Abril

Ora meus concidadãos, como toda a gente sabe, na segunda-feira, foi o aniversário do 25 de Abril ...!

E devo dizer que me regozijo por o raio da revolução ter pras ruas! As minhas saudações aos impulsionadores da revolução! Graças a eles, este país atrasou-se 30 anos, entre nacionalizações e passagens administrativas! E também houve umas bombas pelo meio ... e o Otelo e os seus 25 FP (filhos da p..., ou qq coisa parecida).

E quando me deito na cama e olho as estrelas, digo para mim próprio: "Viva la revolucion!"Sim! Porque eu ja fui a Cuba e vi o que é a revolução! Depois de ver o que anda por terras transatlanticas, mais me convenço que o capitalismo é demoníaco! Quase nos leva ao príncipio do Livre Arbitrio! Qualquer dia as pessoas são livres de fazer o que querem ...

Sim, porque isto de revolução, tira do poleiro um para colocar outro ainda mais arrogante e déspota! Enfim ... um tirano ... porque isto de trabalhar pra aquecer ou levar tiros pra chegar ao poder ... pode rimar mas não é harmonioso ...
Mas então? Não estou a ser muito pessimista? É verdade ... o 25 de Abril também tem coisas boas:

Primeiro, tive a oportunidade de avaliar os conhecimentos dos "tugas". O noticiário das 20 é sempre um momento hilariante na parte das entrevistas! Principalmente na parte em q um luso-africano cantou o Hino Nacional! Mt bom ...

Segundo, fim de semana prolongado! Mt bom! (À excepção da programação televisiva que continua a ser uma nódoa. Tirando aqueles reality shows que gosto muito :) )

Terceiro, todos os anos costumava haver uma amnistia ... que era óptimo para tirar aquela multita de excesso de velocidade ... Infelizmente este ano não houve! Fica aqui uma palavra de repudio ao presidente Jorge Sampaio por tentar fazer deste país uma nação 1º mundista em que as pessoas são penalizadas pelos seus crimes!!! Não combina com Portugal ...

Quarto, tenho uma pequena participação numa florista aqui do bairro ... e o aumento da procura aos cravos sempre rende qualquer coisinha!

E VIVA O 25 DE ABRIL! VIVA A REVOLUçAO DOS CRAVOS!!! VIVA O SOCIALISMO (do atracanço de popa)!!! E VIVA AO CHOQUE TECNOLOGICO!!! E VIVA AO IMPOSTO AUTOMOVEL!!

P.S. - Eu não estou contra o 25 de Abril, a liberdade é muito boa e eu gosto ... estou contra práticas de certos senhores da pós-revolução que nos levaram à anarquia vermelha em nome dum igualitarismo utópico ... haverá sempre pobres e ricos ... chefias e subordinados ...

Turbo

Um turbo macrobiótico ...

Acautelem as crianças qd navegam na internet

Durante uma das minhas jornadas de navegação ... pela internet ... deparei-me com a seguinte questão:

"Um caixote do lixo flourescente pra ke? pra naxer flores?"

Primeiro de tudo! Meu amigo, naxer tá mal escrito! É nascer ...

E depois ... VAI-TE MATAR PALHAÇO DO C#$&/()#!!!

Que raio de seca ... e anda aqui um gajo sujeito a isto! Ao menos metam pornografia! Seus energumenos!

Pensem nas crianças!!! Queriam ter filhos assim??? Não as deixem navegar na internet sem supervisão!!! É q se um puto cresce na pornografia ... pronto ... ainda é de homem! Agora a mandar secas ... f$$$-se!

A chuva dissolvente

Hoje, um colega meu, senhor vasto saber académico disse a eloquente frase:

"Mais vale correr com chuva miúdinha do que com um grosso nevoiro". Ou seja, usando a pronúncia do norte, teremos algo como "Mais vale correr com chuva miúdinha do que com um grosso no bueiro" ...

E eu fiquei chocado ... de facto ... é uma questão pertinente!

De facto, o nevoeiro ser perigoso para que pratica o seu "jogging" pelas ruas da cidade ... dada a fraca visibilidade ...

Mas o verdadeiro perigo está no marinheiro que atraca de popa e gosta d correr ...

A dicotimia entre a joalharia e a construção civil

Já dizia um erudito da arte do desenvolvimento urbanistico, vulgo trolha ou trolheca:

"Oh jóia, anda aqui ao ourives!"

E eu devo dizer que esta é uma expressão que me inquieta!

Será que esta analogia do Sr. Trolha conseguirá ter sucesso com o sexo oposto? Todos sabemos do cliché do "Diamonds are the girls best friends"! Mas não será esta expressão meramente paleativa? A sua eficacia é muito limitada! Qd o pseudo "ourives" com o seu hálito a SuperBook desce "Tarzanicamente" do seu andaime a jóia sentir-se-á defraudada!

Não seria mais apropriada uma piada subtil como :
"Oh linda pareces um helicoptro, gira e boa!"

Esta sim! Goza dum "je ne sais quois" sublime! A frase perfeita para um "flirt" vindo das alturas!
E deixo a questão no ar: "Como se sentem os ourives com esta pérfida comparação?" Uzurpados, talvez ...

Sopa de letras ...

julgamento

público

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3. The top 200 long-term keyword report

Our current database contains 292,170,337 search terms
and represents the complete queries from the largest
metacrawlers on the web (Metacrawler/Dogpile etc.) for the
last 90 days.


Nos. Count Keyword
===========================================

1 171890 myspace
2 146611 google
3 127703 youporn
4 127394 ebay
5 116330 yahoo
6 104829 youtube
7 98592 myspace.com
8 75045 yahoo.com
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